Tuesday, January 27, 2009

wakey, wakey

Well. Despite what I said a year ago, I haven't actually given this bloggery a moment's consideration. And y'know, looking at that last post made me a little bit sad. not in a nostalgic sort of way..not exactly. I wrote that I had had a sort of sexual liberation. Which was true - at the time. However, i seem to have regressed - a whole lot. I'm not at all sure what made me go through the long and arduous process of recovering passwords, resetting accounts, and all the other various steps that i had to go through to get to the point of being able to post again on this long-forgotten bloggery, but i think it is this: in returning to my hometown after a lengthy absence (approximately eight years), i have returned to who i was before i left....in fact, long before i left. When i left here i was a young pup in my early 20s, with, in retrospect, so much to learn. funny though, i thought i was a smokin' hot babe and that the world was just waiting ot fall at my feet. Several years before that however, i was a perpetually cute bookworm, nerd-chic before it was a desirable persona. Without going any further into the various developmental stages one goes through before emerging both defeated and enlightened in one's early 30s, i find that in repressing my "violet petticoat"-side for a more librarian-esque "reading is sexy - slutty photos in racy lingerie are not" side, i lost more of violet than i had ever intended. In fact, the only evidence that remains of the past few years is here, in the cyberworld of the Slipshod Petticoats. Now, it reads like a story that i not only wish i had written, but wish i had lived. But wait! I did! I did both write and live all that stuff! ..didn't i? Why am i lamenting this right now? Tonight of all nights, when i have papers to write, lecture notes to prepare, Phd applications to fill out, an impending migraine pulsating on the periphery of my brain and a lovely, kind, trusting boyfriend to make a long-distance phone call to. That, gentle readers, might be the answer to the question.
The boyfriend. It isn't exactly that i'm a committment-phobe. Well, maybe a wee bit. I do relish my freedom, especially when it leaves me open for those unexpected racy nights, that start with not-so-innocent (but seemingly so) flirtation and end with hot, steamy sex, a sleepover, a little breakfast (more not-so-innocent flirtation) and then, more steamy sex. The possibilities were endless and entertaining. Those kind of nights left one smug, breathless and happy not to be one of those people who called their significant other a pet name, and picked them up banal items at the drugstore, like a toothbrush, or some razor blades. However, the older you get, the less frequent such encounters, and the more you begin to wonder if maybe, just maybe, you miss the banalities of long-term relationships. When i accidentally fell into my current situation, i hadn't considered that it might turn into a long-term thing. It was one of those "oh-what-the-hell" kind of things. Friend-of-friends, home for a visit, a bit of silly fun and that would be the end of it. At the point at which it commenced, I was going through a bit of a phase....a non-sex kitten phase. A wholesome-girl-next-door phase. An "I'm-rejecting-excessive-over-the-top-sexuality-becasue-I-think-it's-immature phase. So, it isn't the committment -phobe in me that's sounding the alarms. It's just that i have become committed under maybe slightly false pretenses. And now, here i am, half a year later, wondering what happened to violet petticoat? She's stirring inside my brain, stretching and yawning, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, and... wondering what the hell happened to all the lacy lingerie and the hot action. Can't say i blame her - i'm wondering the same thing myself.

hmmmmmmmmmm.....a quick caveat here: i'm not saying i'm going out looking for the long-lost action, i'm just saying that maybe, just maybe, things need to change. i mean, how would YOU feel if your seemingly sweet, naive girlfriend had actually been writing about her sexual adventures - prior to meeting you- for all the internet to see? betrayed? hurt? or....turned on?