Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Do you think we're less inclined to discuss our sex lives when we are involved with someone? I mean, as opposed to just the one-nighter, or even the "sex only" relationship...? Perhaps it depends with whom one finds oneself with. Some people would be flattered to have their sexual techniques verbally applauded for all to see, while others are not so keen about someone hanging their sexual dirty laundry on the so-called clothesline (or in this case, the internet). But is is unethical of me to discuss such details? It's not as though i'm giving out names and phone numbers or anything....

I've been having some GREAT sex as of late, and although lately i've been pondering the "stay or go" question, along with the "sex/emotional attachment" issue, maybe it is time i got right down to the nitty-gritty: what makes great sex truly great? what's the difference between "good" sex and "great" sex. and to take it one level higher, what makes it "mindblowing"? that's the kind we all want, i'm sure. i mean, i guess, right? are there people out there who will settle for luke-warm, mediocre sex? and if so, why? i'm going to post this now, and think about the answers while i'm at work today. work, for me, is a completely non-sexual environment. people don't talk about it (except for the occasional lunchtime banter), and the working conditions certainly don't inspire sexual comtemplation. Although, one day a few weeks ago, after a particularly steamy night, i found myself walking around in a state of total distraction - physically and mentally. I could barely think, let alone interact with co-workers. I'm working a one-year probationary contract, and probably shouldn't let things like my misadventures of the previous evening distract me quite so much, but c'mon, how often does the night before inspire a whole day of blissful remembrance? More later, i'm going to be late....

Sunday, November 19, 2006

of shrink wrap and shredding

It's sunday again, and you all know how i feel about sundays......blah. i feel ...blah-ish. and it really is quite a sunday out there in the world of halifax. Gray, drizzling, chilly....the trees are bare and it is quite easy to get caught up in the dullness of it all and let it affect one's mood. part of me feels like succumbing to "the sundays" (the highly original name i have affixed to this state of mind that so frequently sweeps over me on the 7th - or 1st, depending on your point of view - day of the week) and part of me is considering raging against it. perhaps "raging" is too strong a word. i may be able to sustain a more neutral mind frame, but the strength implied by the term "raging" is not available to me on a sunday.

i think i should have saved my consumerism indulgence for today. i caved yesterday (generally i've been trying to limit purchases to groceries and necessities, such as high quality 100% cotton made in canada socks, with the occasional luxury, such as a new book or some pot) but i went out yesterday and bought a slipcover for one of the love seats in my living room. 2 points need to be raised here:

1) i hate the term "love seat" and am now going to change it to "lilliput sofa"...or maybe just "lilliput"...i hope the rev. jonanthan swift doesn't mind that i'm lifting Gulliver's Travels terminology for application to furniture.
2) it was a much-needed , long overdue purchase. the plaid print on my hand-me-down furniture was not only offensive, but also depressingly dark and covered with dog fur and drool.

Now for the lament; if only i had saved my consumerism for today, not only would i have the increased possibility of lifting myself out of the sundays (new books always thrill me in a way that very few things can), but also, the new book that i purchased yesterday, Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs (a pop culture manifesto is the sub title, i think, but i cannot check it for you and you're about to find out why) would still be in readable condition, as opposed to headed for the recycling bin...MY DOG ATE IT.

Can you fucking believe it??? completely shredded. THAT FUCKER. he is currently barricaded in the kitchen so that i don't have to look at him. instead, i am looking at the sad remains of my brand new book. i couldn't afford to buy it really, and i certainly can't afford to replace it. But since i've been developing my optimistic skills, i can say this; at least now i am no longer feeling apathetic, as i was when i commenced today's bloggery (which is what i was doing upstairs while that beastly creature chowed down on my brand new book in the living room), but am feeling rather PISSED OFF. I am now completing tasks in a rather aggressive manner. I just shrink-wrapped my living room window in an angry kind of way. I cursed myself for renting an old, drafty house that requires shrink-wrap on the windows. I cursed myself for doing such a piss-poor job of putting up the curtain rods with a hammer, as opposed to a screw driver, so they were next to impossible to get down so that i could apply the shrink wrap. I cursed the shrinkwrap for being so damn difficult to deal with. Then, as a result of the hair dryer and space heater running from the same socket, i shorted out that circuit and a variety of other electric things shut off. i cursed. loudly. my dog shrank away, pitifully, afraid that he was going to be, once again, the receipiant of my wrath. maybe i should shrink-wrap him as well. to a wall, or perhaps between the palastic wrap and the window pane, until spring. perhaps i will have forgiven him by then.

i grabbed a flashlight and headed for the creepy basement, where i felt an oddly misplaced sense of pride, as i was able to navigate the circuit board or breakers, or what ever the hell all those switches are down there and successfully restore power to that portion of the house. yay! i am a superhero...sort of.

How do you feel about the new layout? is the pink a bit much? probably. the template was called "rosy" and at that moment, prior to the book destruction, i was feeling the potential for a "rosy" sort of day. that feeling has waned considerably, but i'll attmept to continue my optimistic feelings for sunday....maybe more coffee and some dark chocolate will help...

Saturday, November 18, 2006

should i stay or should i go?

Today we are going to talk about the emotional - or lack thereof - connection to sex. I threw in the "lack thereof" caveat as a conversation i had several months back has slipped into my mind. I was walking with a couple of friends downtown to catch a band when the subject came up (as it always seems to...is it that we are a society obsessed? don't we have anything better to talk about? I posed this question once and was met with this reply; "What could be better?").

The conversation went something like this (i have to dig deep into the recesses of my mind, as it was several months back...and why, you well may ask, do i not have anything more recent to draw upon? The answer is forthcoming...as i get to my point (and reason for the train of thought of this bloggery entry) you will better understand why i've been slow on the updates as of late:

Friend A (female) - in response to us questioning the current state of her relationship with a common friend of mine and the other walking companion: "I guess I'm just a relationship kind of person...I've never really been into short relationships, or dating people...I just can't sleep with someone without an emotional attachment....can you?"

Friend B (male): Sure.

Me (violet): You betcha.

There was a bit more to the chat, I suppose, but that is really the "bare bones" of it. But as i have been embarking upon a pseudo-casual relationship as of late, and teetering on the brink of emotional attachment, i've been thinking about that question and my response to it. You see, i've always been able to detach one from the other (sex from emotion, that is). While i realize that sex is usually better when one invests some emotion into it, i think i have trained myself not to. I remember reading somewhere (probably in some trashy magazine in which a pop-psychologist answers the questions and woes of the "typical" North American female - back in the day when i went in for that sort of thing...i was young, and in need of guidance, but don't worry, i've long since come to my senses, and no longer induldge in such printed crap on glossy pages) that women instantly become emotionally attached to someone after sex...apparently, it is biological. Men, however, don't. At the time, i remember thinking that i was defying biology, as up until that point, i felt no emotional attachment to the men with whom i had slept. At the time, it was something of a smug, secret thing i prided myself on. But all these years later, it makes me worry just a wee bit.

Currently, I am casually involved with someone. The situation does not lend itself to quick progresion though, because he is recently out of a long relationship that ended badly. Although things have been pretty "full on" (as in weekend road trips, evening dinners, movies and hot sex, and even plenty of day time activities (that one always gets a reaction from friends, as in "Oooo, day dates? Must be going somewhere..." I'm not just referring to my situation here - the "day time activity" analysis seems to be applied far and wide when trying to ascertain the progression of a new relationship). HOWEVER, just the other night, i was treated to the "i really like hanging out with you and want it to continue just like it is, but my friends and family have all said that they don't think i should get into a serious relationship so quickly and that i should really be open to dating other people right now and i guess i agree with them....but i still want to spend time with you." WHAT THE FUCK? i'm all for seeking advice from others, but generally try not to allow the opinions of my family and friends to have that great an influence on me. I have translated it thusly:

"While i really enjoy the fact that you have been around for the past month or so to hold my hand when i get upset about the demise of my past relationship, to prevent me from feeling lonely and that you're great in the sack, my friends have advised me not to get seriously involved with someone, and i am not going to make my own decisions, but instead, listen to others instead of myself."

So now what? I knew what i was getting into right from the beginning, so i can't act as though it is a total shock. I have also been keeping something of an emotional distance, so i'm not falling to pieces or anything, BUT my concern is this: if i continue to keep myself from getting emotionally caught up with the people (actually person - i'm not much for being involved with more than 1 person at a time) i am sleeping with, will i ever be able to? Is this a permenant affliction? And as for this situation, this individual who still wants things to stay the way they are, but with the understanding that should someone else strike his fancy, he's up and gone, should i stay or i should i go? Unlike him, i'm not seeking advice from friends or family, i am seeking advice from complete and utter strangers on the internet.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Seeing how people associate November with poppies...

...now that I can get photos up on this again, i'm going to post a favorite, as of yet-unseen picture of me and Poppy before she defected from Slipshod Manor. All future photos will (sadly) be Poppy-less...
We called this one "Gettin' Cheeky"