Sunday, April 23, 2006

several sundays ago, this is what i was thinking about

So, here we are, Sunday afternoon again. I don't notice the return of any other day of the week quite like I notice Sunday. I realize that many would say it is Monday morning that they dread, but not I. The anticipation of Monday on Sundays is far stronger than the actual feeling of rolling out of bed at 6:10 a.m. on Monday morning when my alarm clock sounds. I'm kind of the same way about the other kind of anticipation as well; most people love Friday, the end of the work week, the post-work beer with co-workers, the opportunity to sleep in the next day, etc., but Friday does not get my vote as the best day of the week. No siree. Me, I like Thursdays - all the anticipation of Friday, none of the pressuue and ultimately, none of the let down. I realize i'm souding a tad pessimistic today, but that's what Sundays will do. This one has been rather lovely, as Sundays go. If they continue in this fashion, I might even begin to like them. Although, 28 years of disliking Sundays cannot be easily turned around with one soccer-baseball game...even one in which i slid into homebase to score our first run. Yup, that's right - today i was a recreational sports person. And i liked it.

This morning over brunch (pre-soccer-baseball brunch), we had a conversation that somehow made it's way to bathing with others - the conversation was about bathing with others - none of us actually bathed together. I'm not going to trace the roots of it, suffice to say it was mundane chitchat over bathing practices (bath versus shower - i'm a bath person myself, but feel free to send in your views on this subject), and as i expressed my general disinterest in showers, one of my brunch companions said "Not even with someone else?", to which i replied "Especially not with someone else - there is jujst not enough water..not in any shower i've been in..". I think though, that i would like it in a shower that has two shower heads - one on either side. Does anybody out there have one they'd care to lend me?

Monday, April 17, 2006

hula and fellatio - but not at the same time, silly

Well, here we are on a bleak post-holiday weekend Monday afternoon. It certainly was quite a weekend. Maybe it was the result of that day off on Friday, or all those chocolate bunnies that were readily available everyone you turned, or perhaps it was the sweet sounds of Hell's Bells at the Attic on Saturday night (was that saturday? It all began to blur together after awhile). The SSPs were hard at work in our borrowed hula-hoop factory, sawing, staple-gunning and spray-painting our wares, preparing ourselves for our summer income-supplementary project. We really love hula-hoops and hula-hooping. Both of us are quite good at it. My co-bloggery writer likes to get all fancy with them and spin them around her arms and neck. As for myself, i just like to whirl them s-l-o-w-l-y around my hips. I hula as often as possible. Once, i was at a party and hula-ing happily on the lawn, in a blissful state that can only be brought on by wine, pot, wicked music and a hula hoop. I overheard some girl i didn't know say to her friend (whom i knew a little bit, but not much) "I bet she's really good in bed" and although i'm sure she didn't intend for me to overhear her, i did anyway, and replied "As a matter of fact, yes, i am good in bed." This was rather a bold statement to make, perhaps, but at that particular moment, i felt quite certain that i was good in bed. And that i was good at just about everything else as well - such is the power of a good hula-hoop session. I'm sure that the slow, rolling, rhythmical swing of the hula hoop around one's hip probably does enhance one's carnal capabilities, but i'm not one to "blow my own horn". Yet another expression that should be eradicated from the English language. It is useful in many situations, but sounds kind of dirty, like it could be used by some sleazy, lewd guy who describes his bedroom antics to his equally lame friends, by saying such things as "Then she got down on her knees and blew my horn." Gross. Although i'm quite sure there are worse expressions for the act of fellatio. Fellatio is an unusually lovely sounding word actually. If you were from elsewhere, learning to speak our language, you would never guess that "fellatio" describes what it describes. In fact, depending on where you are from, the actual act of oral sex might even be illegal. Yup, that's right. In fact, it is illegal in many of the american states, such as; Missouri and Florida. Also, in Washington state, the only legal sexual position is missionary. Today, we are going to learn about other languages and cultures. A quick lesson:

Nederlands (Dutch)fellatie (orale stimulatie van de penis)
Français (French) fellation
Deutsch (German) n. - Fellatio (orale Stimulierung des Penis)
Ελληνική (Greek) n. πεολειξία
Italiano (Italian) coito orale
Português (Portuguese) n. - felação (f)
Русский (Russian) минет
Español (Spanish) n. - felación
Svenska (Swedish) n. - fellatio
ברית (Hebrew)‬ n. - ‮מין אוראלי, מציצה‬

ALRIGHT! Now you can say "fellatio" in 10 different languages! The SSPs make for some good educational reading! Speaking of languages, it is unfortunate that my good friend Poppy (the most recent alter-ego of the other half of the SSPs) isn't present to spice up the German entry a little bit. What's all this foolishness about Poppy, you might ask? We like to play dress-up, as you know, and this weekend, we decided that instead of just trouncing around in our negligees and taking pictures (like we usually do) that we would dress up as different people (including some sexy wigs and some sexy names). But then,the names and the wigs just were not enough for Poppy - she wanted to be a little frauleine as well. The story for the evening? That she and I (a bewigged Violet) were a couple that met online and that she had come to Canada to be with me. Isn't that so utterly romantic? It seems that all the people we feed that bullshit line to thought so as well.

"Oh you naughty girls!" you might be thinking. "Shame on you for hoodwinking all those nice friendly boys!". Don't worry....we have a collective conscience between the two of us. We 'fessed up to a couple of 'em and luckily, they had a little chuckle and didn't hold it against us (ew. i just grossed myself out remembering that stupid pick-up line - you know the one "If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?". Stupid on so many levels, because even if the person you were directed it at didn't catch on, most likely (if they were a nice catholic girl like the former version of yours truly) they would say "No, of course not. Why would I hold it against you? It is a compliment." And then where would you be? Nowhere. Perhaps you should learn to say it in another language. See the above list and go from there. You'll get results, i guarantee it (although i can't guarantee what kind).

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Saturday, April 08, 2006

debbies and betties

i think i'm making proper use of pill-slang here. My bloggery partner (who will be making more writing contributions in the near future - for now, she's just contributed pictures of her cleavage, which are certainly invaluable), was telling me about a short story she was reading which used this terminology to describe uppers and downers. i'm not sure which is which - let's say that debbies are downers and betties are uppers (simply for the alliterative value as an aide-memoire). Now that we've got that sorted, on to the bloggery...

I have an injury. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but i think i may be the victim of a voodoo spell. It all started last week with easter stickers. Maybe i should back up a little bit here... We (the SSPs) were out to see and hear some good music last weekend. Due to the tiny-ness of the venue, there were no tables left when we arrived, so we decided to join some people who were sitting on the floor. It was nice, kind of like a picnic at a bar, with booze and cigarettes (it was one of those rare smoking places). Then, two girls came and stood right in front of us, blocking our perfect view of the stage. Now, i'm sure you're thinking that i'm being perhaps a tad bit intolerant, but really, it was inappropriate. I retaliated in a somewhat immature manner - i put an easter sticker (featuring a white bunny carrying a basket of eggs with a lovely mauve coloured background) on her leg. She didn't even flinch. Not a twitch - no sign of noticing. So, i put another, and then another...and then another. This continued for quite some time, as i was being encouraged by my counterpart and several other strangers around us, who were snickering at my audacity (they shouln't have been laughing - unbeknownst to them, they too, had been stickered). Eventually, someone came along and ratted on me. She turned around, ripping all the stickers off (or so she thought - there were so many by this point, that she missed several, including one on her back pocket - tee hee) and said( in a rather pissy tone of voice, i might add), "Why would you do that?". I hadn't been anticipating such a nasty reprieve, and all i could say was "Because it's easter time." Perhaps that was a little bit weak, but i was caught off guard. I was feeling a little bit sheepish, but they moved off, obviously uncomfortable with the situation they had created- and them leaving was the original intent. But then, a random guy came up to me with an easter sticker on his finger, crouched down in front of us (should i add "crouched" to the list of words that sound dirty but actually aren't ? Please feel free to express your opinion on this by e-mailing us at, or by posting a comment - we welcome your ideas), and waved the sticker around asking "Why would you do that? It is so unneccessary!" To him, I replied "It really is none of your concern, you fucking asshole! Mind your own goddamn business and be off with you!". Okay, okay, i didn't really say that, but i should have. Instead, having been reprimanded once already, i meekly said "I was not being mean-spirited. Stickers are a positive thing..." . He then told me to give my stickers to someone who would appreciate them. Then, the other SSP moved in on the situation, and sweet-talked him a little. In under 2 minutes, he was begging for a sticker. I shouldn't have given him one, just to spite him, but i did anyway.
How does this relate to my injury, my painful, movement-prohibiting neck and back pain? Well, i think that is quite obvious - the original sticker recipient cast a voodoo spell on me.

All of this is taking us to the title of this entry: debbies and betties. I have been popping all kinds of pills this week - muscle relaxants and the like. Yesterday, i moved into the "extra strength" variety, which made me sleep for 15 hours last night. I wasted an entire friday night passed-out in a drug-induced slumber. It is certainly not the first time, of course, but usually there is at least some fun preceeding it. This morning, i have consumed copious amounts of caffeine, including the cup used to wash down an extra-strength robaxicet, so am currently dealing with the effects of both debbies and betties. I am sitting in a coffee shop with one of the informal contributors to this bloggery (whom you might remember from such entries as "theories that i have found to be true and highly applicable" and "t'was a hot and steamy night"), and he brought up the suggestion of a friend who is intrigued by the idea of spending a night experimenting with both debbies and betties, seeing exactly what it takes to counteract the effects of one with the other. I'm sure he didn't mean anything hard-core, probably just a little pot with a little..oh, i don't know...crack maybe?? No, no, i'm just being silly. I'm sure he was thinking of something far less illegal, like ephedrine or some pirated ritalin. C'mon! Seriously - judging from my current state of betty/debbie agitation (and it being the result of easily accessible stimulants and relaxants), i don't recommend it.

This is getting rather lengthy, and has little-to-no sexual content. I have to throw a wee bit in (as per our original mandate). A quick anecdote: A few nights ago, we found ourselves in the company of several boys, who, having tired of waiting for us to meet them at the designated place for a little wednesday drink, started naming their penises and giving them voices, ( I think the point was that we would "shake hands" with them when we were introduced, but that goes beyond my willingness to participate in inappropriate public behaviour). Of course, we then had to get in on the action and name our boobs (something more specific than the general usage of "the girls"). We drifted away from the topic eventually, but i think that the answer was so very obvious: debbie and betty. I'll put their labelled pictures up later this weekend, so you can tell them apart.