Tuesday, August 08, 2006

mysteries and musings

I've solved one mystery but have dug up a few more questions in the meantime. The public "out-ing" of my SSP self and real-life self from last week has been resolved, more or less. Through a chance encounter late at night in the middle of a field full of people who had been consuming various substances for 24 hours, someone 'fessed up that they tipped off the random individual who asked about my involvement with the SSPs on the patio of one of our favorite haunts that fateful night....ooooo "fateful night" - doen't that sounds dramatic. The night wasn't really all that fateful, actually. I suffered the embarassment of stuttering with shock when confronted with my alter-ego, left the premises shortly therafter, puzzled about it aloud to the only person in that group of friends who is aware of the SSPs, and then we all played pool in a smokey basement bar. i suck at pool. i got my ass whopped(whupped? whooped?). Does that make it a fateful night? I doubt it. Although, i have been rethinking the writing of this bloggery ever since.
The culprit (he who told one of his beer drinking companions to ask me about the SSPs and have me freaking out about it for a week), was a part of the original "Poppy and Violet" night, so i guess perhaps he had a small involvement with the creation of the SSP's alter-egos (involvement in the sense that the evolution of Poppy and Violet came about as we played up a pack of lies to said individual and friends). But when the mystery was solved several nights ago, although i was relieved that i hadn't actually been recognized by a random person (strictly for professional reasons, of course), i have started to question several things.

By putting so much "out there" (out there being on public display via the internet, i suppose), am i actually liberating as aspect of my personality, or am i presenting an inaccurate portrait of myself for those who know me in real-life (or meet me after reading all of my musings)?
I realize that this is all becoming very "dear diary"-ish introspective bullshit, blah, blah, blah, but seriously, will what started off as a bit of fun between roomates looking to spice up a dreary February become something of my demise? Its not that the stories you've been reading are false - au contraire my friends, they are all the real deal. BUT, they are nothing out of the ordinary, i don't think. Shit like this ("this" refers to entires 1 through 25 or however many times i've put my fingers to the keyboard since the hatching of this little project) happens to people all the time - much of it is just snippets of conversation that tend to have sexual content..but, doesn't everyone have conversations like that with their friends? Have i crossed the proverbial line?

I'm pretty sure that i'm no more of a sexual deviant than the majority of the population (excluding the religious fanatics and people under the age of 14 and over the age of...um...75? i'm not sure when you stop thinking about sex or sexually related issues, but i like to think that my grandmother's biggest concern in life is the shade of her lipstick and when the next Danielle Steele novel is coming out). Its just that i say whatever comes to mind... or in this case, i type it.

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