Monday, April 17, 2006

hula and fellatio - but not at the same time, silly

Well, here we are on a bleak post-holiday weekend Monday afternoon. It certainly was quite a weekend. Maybe it was the result of that day off on Friday, or all those chocolate bunnies that were readily available everyone you turned, or perhaps it was the sweet sounds of Hell's Bells at the Attic on Saturday night (was that saturday? It all began to blur together after awhile). The SSPs were hard at work in our borrowed hula-hoop factory, sawing, staple-gunning and spray-painting our wares, preparing ourselves for our summer income-supplementary project. We really love hula-hoops and hula-hooping. Both of us are quite good at it. My co-bloggery writer likes to get all fancy with them and spin them around her arms and neck. As for myself, i just like to whirl them s-l-o-w-l-y around my hips. I hula as often as possible. Once, i was at a party and hula-ing happily on the lawn, in a blissful state that can only be brought on by wine, pot, wicked music and a hula hoop. I overheard some girl i didn't know say to her friend (whom i knew a little bit, but not much) "I bet she's really good in bed" and although i'm sure she didn't intend for me to overhear her, i did anyway, and replied "As a matter of fact, yes, i am good in bed." This was rather a bold statement to make, perhaps, but at that particular moment, i felt quite certain that i was good in bed. And that i was good at just about everything else as well - such is the power of a good hula-hoop session. I'm sure that the slow, rolling, rhythmical swing of the hula hoop around one's hip probably does enhance one's carnal capabilities, but i'm not one to "blow my own horn". Yet another expression that should be eradicated from the English language. It is useful in many situations, but sounds kind of dirty, like it could be used by some sleazy, lewd guy who describes his bedroom antics to his equally lame friends, by saying such things as "Then she got down on her knees and blew my horn." Gross. Although i'm quite sure there are worse expressions for the act of fellatio. Fellatio is an unusually lovely sounding word actually. If you were from elsewhere, learning to speak our language, you would never guess that "fellatio" describes what it describes. In fact, depending on where you are from, the actual act of oral sex might even be illegal. Yup, that's right. In fact, it is illegal in many of the american states, such as; Missouri and Florida. Also, in Washington state, the only legal sexual position is missionary. Today, we are going to learn about other languages and cultures. A quick lesson:

Nederlands (Dutch)fellatie (orale stimulatie van de penis)
Français (French) fellation
Deutsch (German) n. - Fellatio (orale Stimulierung des Penis)
Ελληνική (Greek) n. πεολειξία
Italiano (Italian) coito orale
Português (Portuguese) n. - felação (f)
Русский (Russian) минет
Español (Spanish) n. - felación
Svenska (Swedish) n. - fellatio
ברית (Hebrew)‬ n. - ‮מין אוראלי, מציצה‬


ALRIGHT! Now you can say "fellatio" in 10 different languages! The SSPs make for some good educational reading! Speaking of languages, it is unfortunate that my good friend Poppy (the most recent alter-ego of the other half of the SSPs) isn't present to spice up the German entry a little bit. What's all this foolishness about Poppy, you might ask? We like to play dress-up, as you know, and this weekend, we decided that instead of just trouncing around in our negligees and taking pictures (like we usually do) that we would dress up as different people (including some sexy wigs and some sexy names). But then,the names and the wigs just were not enough for Poppy - she wanted to be a little frauleine as well. The story for the evening? That she and I (a bewigged Violet) were a couple that met online and that she had come to Canada to be with me. Isn't that so utterly romantic? It seems that all the people we feed that bullshit line to thought so as well.

"Oh you naughty girls!" you might be thinking. "Shame on you for hoodwinking all those nice friendly boys!". Don't worry....we have a collective conscience between the two of us. We 'fessed up to a couple of 'em and luckily, they had a little chuckle and didn't hold it against us (ew. i just grossed myself out remembering that stupid pick-up line - you know the one "If I told you you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?". Stupid on so many levels, because even if the person you were directed it at didn't catch on, most likely (if they were a nice catholic girl like the former version of yours truly) they would say "No, of course not. Why would I hold it against you? It is a compliment." And then where would you be? Nowhere. Perhaps you should learn to say it in another language. See the above list and go from there. You'll get results, i guarantee it (although i can't guarantee what kind).

1 comment:

Mark Bachynski said...

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