Saturday, April 08, 2006

debbies and betties

i think i'm making proper use of pill-slang here. My bloggery partner (who will be making more writing contributions in the near future - for now, she's just contributed pictures of her cleavage, which are certainly invaluable), was telling me about a short story she was reading which used this terminology to describe uppers and downers. i'm not sure which is which - let's say that debbies are downers and betties are uppers (simply for the alliterative value as an aide-memoire). Now that we've got that sorted, on to the bloggery...

I have an injury. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but i think i may be the victim of a voodoo spell. It all started last week with easter stickers. Maybe i should back up a little bit here... We (the SSPs) were out to see and hear some good music last weekend. Due to the tiny-ness of the venue, there were no tables left when we arrived, so we decided to join some people who were sitting on the floor. It was nice, kind of like a picnic at a bar, with booze and cigarettes (it was one of those rare smoking places). Then, two girls came and stood right in front of us, blocking our perfect view of the stage. Now, i'm sure you're thinking that i'm being perhaps a tad bit intolerant, but really, it was inappropriate. I retaliated in a somewhat immature manner - i put an easter sticker (featuring a white bunny carrying a basket of eggs with a lovely mauve coloured background) on her leg. She didn't even flinch. Not a twitch - no sign of noticing. So, i put another, and then another...and then another. This continued for quite some time, as i was being encouraged by my counterpart and several other strangers around us, who were snickering at my audacity (they shouln't have been laughing - unbeknownst to them, they too, had been stickered). Eventually, someone came along and ratted on me. She turned around, ripping all the stickers off (or so she thought - there were so many by this point, that she missed several, including one on her back pocket - tee hee) and said( in a rather pissy tone of voice, i might add), "Why would you do that?". I hadn't been anticipating such a nasty reprieve, and all i could say was "Because it's easter time." Perhaps that was a little bit weak, but i was caught off guard. I was feeling a little bit sheepish, but they moved off, obviously uncomfortable with the situation they had created- and them leaving was the original intent. But then, a random guy came up to me with an easter sticker on his finger, crouched down in front of us (should i add "crouched" to the list of words that sound dirty but actually aren't ? Please feel free to express your opinion on this by e-mailing us at, or by posting a comment - we welcome your ideas), and waved the sticker around asking "Why would you do that? It is so unneccessary!" To him, I replied "It really is none of your concern, you fucking asshole! Mind your own goddamn business and be off with you!". Okay, okay, i didn't really say that, but i should have. Instead, having been reprimanded once already, i meekly said "I was not being mean-spirited. Stickers are a positive thing..." . He then told me to give my stickers to someone who would appreciate them. Then, the other SSP moved in on the situation, and sweet-talked him a little. In under 2 minutes, he was begging for a sticker. I shouldn't have given him one, just to spite him, but i did anyway.
How does this relate to my injury, my painful, movement-prohibiting neck and back pain? Well, i think that is quite obvious - the original sticker recipient cast a voodoo spell on me.

All of this is taking us to the title of this entry: debbies and betties. I have been popping all kinds of pills this week - muscle relaxants and the like. Yesterday, i moved into the "extra strength" variety, which made me sleep for 15 hours last night. I wasted an entire friday night passed-out in a drug-induced slumber. It is certainly not the first time, of course, but usually there is at least some fun preceeding it. This morning, i have consumed copious amounts of caffeine, including the cup used to wash down an extra-strength robaxicet, so am currently dealing with the effects of both debbies and betties. I am sitting in a coffee shop with one of the informal contributors to this bloggery (whom you might remember from such entries as "theories that i have found to be true and highly applicable" and "t'was a hot and steamy night"), and he brought up the suggestion of a friend who is intrigued by the idea of spending a night experimenting with both debbies and betties, seeing exactly what it takes to counteract the effects of one with the other. I'm sure he didn't mean anything hard-core, probably just a little pot with a little..oh, i don't know...crack maybe?? No, no, i'm just being silly. I'm sure he was thinking of something far less illegal, like ephedrine or some pirated ritalin. C'mon! Seriously - judging from my current state of betty/debbie agitation (and it being the result of easily accessible stimulants and relaxants), i don't recommend it.

This is getting rather lengthy, and has little-to-no sexual content. I have to throw a wee bit in (as per our original mandate). A quick anecdote: A few nights ago, we found ourselves in the company of several boys, who, having tired of waiting for us to meet them at the designated place for a little wednesday drink, started naming their penises and giving them voices, ( I think the point was that we would "shake hands" with them when we were introduced, but that goes beyond my willingness to participate in inappropriate public behaviour). Of course, we then had to get in on the action and name our boobs (something more specific than the general usage of "the girls"). We drifted away from the topic eventually, but i think that the answer was so very obvious: debbie and betty. I'll put their labelled pictures up later this weekend, so you can tell them apart.

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