Friday, May 19, 2006

A Brief Sighting




well, here i am: the Slightly shy-er Petticoat. the Spring has finally brought me out of my silent hibernation, if only for a brief sighting.

when i was just a wee little petticoat, my father's hip younger sister would have me overnight for slumber parties quite often. we would don our matching chucky high-tops, jump into her red Triumph convertible, and cruise around taking the scenic route to Frenchey's. one night after one of these excursions, we were brushing our teeth in the washroom before bed and my aunt asked me: "Do you have everything you need? Socks & briefs and stuff?" i looked blankly and mumbled something about having my socks."You don't have clean briefs with you?" by the look on my face, i'm sure she could tell i had no idea what she was talking about. my hip cool aunt broke out into her perfect high-pitch cartoon laughter: "Tee hee hee hee Tee hee hee!!!" after she explained it to me between fits of laughter, i thought it necessary (and dreadfully embarrassing) to inform her that i wore panties, not briefs. Between the roaring guffaws that exploded from her after the last comment, my brain started racing, trying to understand panties vs briefs....panties must be for children...briefs for grown women...oh- i can't wait until i get to wear briefs!...wait-no! if that was the case my aunt wouldn't be laughing so hard!...it must be that my very unhip mother chooses panties...panties must be for old women and children...briefs are for sexy people...that's right, its all my mothers fault. of course....

to think that i am anti-panty-anti-brief now makes me laugh, although i'm sure it would concern both my mother & my aunt if they knew the bare truth.

on the subject of family, i recently ripened into a 27 year old. the first piece of mail i received at the Slipshod homestead was a birthday card from my grandmother. i was planning on buying something & sketching my present out on a card and sending it back to my grandmother....but, what i'd like to buy is some sort of lingerie for my meager collection. obviously i couldn't sketch this out for sweet Oma, but the question does arise: is it morally wrong to buy something sexy for myself with sweet granny's birthday check, nagging me from my empty wallet? this is my mother's mother, by the way. any advice on the subject would be greatly appreciated.

in other news, the restaurant where i work has recently acquired some fresh, young new blood for the summer season. one chubby 19-yr-old red-head who has the most 15-yr-old narcissism i've ever seen; another is the sweetest blonde CURLYcurlyCuRly haired angel (who disturbingly reminds me of grown-up Jon Bonnet Ramsey). somehow the conversation between myself and these two innocents during a frustratingly slow evening turned into one about sex, and ultimately masturbation. "I've never been into that" the angel proclaimed, to which the red-head nodded in over-exaggerated enthusiasm: "me neither". i looked at one and then the other and said "sure" and then "i don't believe you". the angel felt she had to defend herself "well I did it once, but only because my boyfriend wanted me to, but i hated it. i can't get myself off!" and then the red-head who always needs to be heard says "well, once in a blue moon, if i really need to get myself off, i will" .i'm sorry folks,this was too funny. i decided to call another girl over, the no-bullshit girl i've worked with for a bit. "these two claim they never masturbate. what do you think about that?" "bullshit. that's bullshit. either you're lying through your teeth or you're so outta touch with your body......" and on she went, raking them over the coals. i later bumped into another girl after work who is also 20-ish. she claims the same. am i missing something here? are these chicks for real? am i the exception?

two things i found out, true or not, by surfing for clues:
90% of women masturbate regularly
May is National Masturbation Month

these rainy days don't have to be that bad...
think i'll go hibernate for a while...

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

help the children to help themselves...

keep 'em coming, commando kitten

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