Last night, i met up with a friend at our local independently-owned video store. We had decided to watch a film at Slipshod Manor...but the problem with movie-viewing here is that we are not fully updated to the 21st century. We still have (GASP!) a VCR. Well, we do own a dvd player and have inherited several televisions sets from various family members, but as we generally don't watch television, the television sets have been regulated to the back of closets, and since they're not easily accessible, our dvd player is also shelved somewhere. Now, i suppose we could make a small effort and go buy the necessary cords to hook one thing up with another, maybe even purchase a set of rabbit ears so that we could have 3 stations, but my limited income has other uses for now...
...back to the video store. Apparently, most of the city has bought into the technological conspiracy of dvds and the vhs section is quite limited. Another interesting (and relevant) piece of information is that in a three story video store, the vhs tapes have been stuck in the basement, taking up one wall and one middle of the room-stand-thing (does it have an actual name? y'know, those free-standing display racks in the middle of the movie store?)..and along that same wall, is the door that leads into the XXX-Room.
**Disclaimer** I am not in any way, shape or form taking any kind of tone in my voice while i am writing about porn movies. If it is your thing, please don't get your hackles up about the following anecdote. I prefer my titillation in the written form, with a few artful erotic photos thrown in on the side. Watching someone else get it on makes me feel weird, but again, to each their own.**
Now that i've dealt with that, onto the story:
So, we rented a movie called "super 8 1/2" which (judging by the synopsis on back) to be something of a "mock-umentary" about a has-been porn director whose rise and fall has been documented by some art-film avant garde director. The comments on the back call it "the feel good movie of the year" (we'll get back to THAT later), and a variety of other positive things, including a note about a cameo appearance by Buddy Cole (any Kids in the Hall fans would recognize this name as a character created by Scott Thompson). We figured that it sounded weird (which is fabulous) and perhaps mildly erotic (again, lovely) and even a little bit funny. The perfect choice for a rainy saturday evening, to be accompanied with red wine and a joint (and a kit kat bar for later).
The film was shot in super 8 format - grainy, wobbley, distant sound, black and white with occasional colour scenes (i think..?). Interesting in that "oh aren't you so clever" kind of way. Then, a bit of girl-on-girl action in a graveyard (no problems there), a mysterious film maker who takes polaroids and keeps her sexual orientation a secret (as told to us in narration by one of the many characters), a few shots of the down-and-out XXX director in his bedroom with his two-bit hustler boyfriend laying about in their plastic bedsheets (clear plastic - like a shower curtain..my first thought was "I'll bet that really sticks to their butt cheeks"), and THEN......porn, porn, porn everywhere. I never cared to see that many blow jobs given in my life, by women or men. I saw more penis in an hour and a half then i have seen in....oh, i'll just let that one go, but suffice to say, it was overwhelming (not in the way one wants to be overwhelmed) and weird. Some of it was funny - clips of the supposed movies made by the supposed actors (film within film - i know it has a specific name - like a book within a book....framing, perhaps? i'm sure someone out there knows). My favorite was a clip called "Submit to my Finger" which was "made" by Googie (the aforementioned polaroid taker) about "two sexual outlaws" (played by the graveyard girls - who, incidentally, give a great lesson in stripping technique during their "screen test" for the mysterious, sexually ambiguous film maker) who just can't get enough action from a day at home and go out looking for trouble. They pick up a male hitchhiker and have their way with him....except their way is not the what you'd expect it to be. I was a little bit miffed to say the least, but intrigued...until one of them stuck their gun into his butt. How does one react to that? I know how i reacted - a cheek-tightening, jaw-clenching "omigod that has got to hurt!!!". Whoever called this "the feel good movie of the year" evidently has no problem with various objects being lodged in their bum. Feel good? A gun UP YOUR ASS????? i doubt it.
What else can i say about Super 8 1/2? Well, i think it might have migrated from the XXX room into the VHS section. Another ploy in the DVD conspiracy - "if only i had my dvd player hooked up, this never would have happened". But then again, i never would have learned such useful stripping technique, which i'm sure will come in handy one day.