Monday, July 24, 2006

sex-ish etiquette

Today we are going to talk about etiquette, in sex-ish situations. "Sex-ish", I have decided, refers to scenarios that are somehow related to sex, sexual behaviour or sexual politics. Onward to the first of several queries...

Several nights ago, whislt partying with friends and happily shaking my booty on the dance floor to a fanfuckingtastic funk/pop/punk/electronic group that passed through town this weekend, a male friend-of-a-friend began grinding into me from behind and letting his hands wander freely. This attention was unwanted and uninvited. The dance floor was really far too crowded for me to explain in a friendly sort of way that I found his behaviour highly inappropriate, so I just left. Needless to say, it put a bit of a damper on my evening. Our paths cross frequently in our social circle, so I will inevitably see him again. I've been asking myself if I should just let it go. I hate being the strident, pain-in-the-ass friend who makes a big deal out of everything. This individual wasn't making me feel threatened, just annoyed. I wonder if he noticed my abrupt departure and made the connection? The answer, unfortunately, is proabably not. If someone is boorish enough to take the liberties of running his hands over my body as if he were tasting the ripeness of fruit, he probably isn't astute enough to know he caused me to miss the second set of aforementioned band.

I somewhat sheepishly explained the occurance to a common friend several days later. He thought that I should have come out with it at the time, and is probably right. But I think that what made me feel even stranger about the whole thing is that now, i am questioning my own behaviour. Not in that "did I deserve it?" kind of way - because NOBODY deserves unwanted sexual attention, but, by dressing provocatively, sporting a wig and red lips, did I issue an open invitation? Did he misinterpret my dancing from "I'm happily shaking my hips and feeling liberated in my little black dress without underwear" to "come hither and test the goods"?

***We interrupt this bloggery to attempt posting as i am on shitty (but free!) dial-up that tends to cut out on me......more etiquette issues later on this evening

shit, its dark out there for mid-afternoon. also, i am out of grape kool-aid.


THE NEXT DAY........

Continuing on from yesterday...was that yesterday? One of the many beautiful things about summer time - it all sort of blends together...

So, the other "sex-ish" situation: As I was walking down a busy street on Saturday morning (post illegal feel-up Friday), I practically ran into the 21 year old from several weeks back. I didn't know what to do! I suppose I could have been mature and said "hi!", but I was afraid he might want to chat a bit and I wasn't entirely certain if I would get his name right...Yikes! That sounds terrible! I'm sure we all have those nights occasionally, right? I had a boyfriend in grade 7 who called me a derivitive of my actual name the whole 2 weeks we went out, so really, a brief flirtation and a mediocre fuck does not neccessarily make someone's name stick in your head - right? Gosh, i really am looking for some justification here. I sure hope someone out there comes through for me...

Being that i didn't take the mature route, can you guess what i actually did? I averted my gaze behind my enormous sunglasses, and prayed that he wouldn't recognize me with my recently changed hair colour. I held my breath (as if not breathing would make me invisible) and we both passed, like two ships in the night (was that proper usage of that expression? i SO wanted to use it, but i'm not sure if it feels right). Well, now that we know what I should have done, and what i actually did, how about a third option? What i could have done. Had i mentioned before that he left his gap boxers on my bedroom floor? Yup, he did. And i threw 'em in the dishcloth wash and then proceeded to use them to shine my bathroom mirror and then to clean the outside of the toilet. Not to be mean or anything, just because they were made of a nice cotton that works well for polishing mirrors. So, i could have said "Hey! Do you want your undies back? I used them to clean my toilet yesterday, but i'm sure they'd be perfectly servicable again once you throw 'em in the wash....."

Its probably a good thing that i'm not an advice columnist.....

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