Friday, March 31, 2006
temps 'r' us
Ahhhh Friday. This is the first Friday that i've actually earned in quite some time. Remember a few weeks back when i quit my job? Well, i've had a couple of weeks of well-earned nothingness, and now have re-joined the workforce..sort of. This week, i did some temping - envelope stuffing and the like. I even got to operate some not-so-heavy machinery in the print office of a large corporation (book binding is not quite as simple as it looks). It was quite entertaining, actually, as the Slipshod Petticoats got hired as a collective. We enjoyed ourselves to the fullest extent possible in an office environment, and it really got me thinking about illicit office romance...not that either of us engaged in such a thing (although we would have, had the co-workers been slightly more desirable). I like thinking about illicit acts in inappropriate places.
Office romance is not terribly creative or original, but as i sat there sticking address labels on envelopes, i started thinking about the possibilities. I'm sure we have all seen the cheesy movie that were fairly prevalent in the 80s that involved sexy secretaries getting it on with their boss after work, photocopying their bottoms and taking down naughty dictation... sigh...the good ol' days. i wonder if there is so little of that kind of thing nowadays because we have all become so very "sensitive" and PC, or are the consequences more dire? I think maybe hot elevator sex might be a good bit of fun, although once again, we are stymied by today's fucking technology. I don't think elevators have "stop" buttons on them that can be pressed without sounding the fire alarm, or some such nonsense. I mean, really, what's a girl to do to get some titillating office-action? And where exactly does the lowly temp fit in to it? There is certainly no possibility of wearing the standard power-suit/mini-skirt combo and striding into work, flashing a bit of leg and having the hot, young assistant scurry into your office for a hot morning fuck before you start your day. Nor do you get to play the sexy, sultry siren of a secretary. Think Loni Anderson on WKRP. She was my idol. What a babe. I went blonde for a few years in my early twenties, but never quite achieved "Loni hotness". Maybe it had something to do with the lack of uber-cleavage blazers and fuck-me pumps. Evidently, my wardrobe needs some work.
So where does all of this leave the temp in the hierarchy of office sexual-adventure? Sadly, nowhere. Although, i did get chatted up by a stammering, stuttering, young office errand-boy. I licked my lips and glanced up at him coyly, as i seductively licked my envelopes. He blushed. I dropped a sheet of address labels on the floor, and bent over to pick them up, flashing him a little taste of my lacy black bra. I then pushed back from the table, and sauntered suggestively across the mailroom floor towards the supply closet, and slipped quietly inside. He followed quickly after, practically panting. Amid the small boxes of paperclips and larger boxes of manilla envelopes, masking tape and spare staplers, I pushed up him against the shelving units and undid his khakis with my red lip-sticked lips. I was about to pull his blue gingham Gap boxers down with my teeth, when the inter-office courier opened the door. Caught in the act! What was I to do, but...."distract" him. Couriers rate higher than errand-boys, after all. And those mailman uniforms are just so hot.
okay, okay, enough. That last sentence was just too ridiculous. C'mon, seriously, you don't think i'd do the errand boy do you? Even temps have standards. Need some office relief? Just send an e-mail to the Slipshod Petticoats. We're here to fulfill all your envelope-licking needs.....