I've been really "anti-subject line" as of late in my e-mails, but i guess i can't go that route quite so easily in the world of bloggery - since it asks for a "title" as opposed to a "subject line", and i generally like titles. I like them so much, in fact, that i often come up with fantastic titles for either books that i have not yet written or albums that i have not yet recorded with the band that i have not yet formed. Hmmmmm...i sure sound like a slacker - but at least one with high aspirations. I like titles that are rather long and a bit silly - sometimes with some sort of oxymoron in the title....let's see if i can think of a good one off the top of my head (i don't know if i should expose any of the really good ones here on the bloggery - what if i actually do write one of those already-titled-but-not-written books and someone else has read this bloggery and stolen the title all for their very own and therefore i cannot use it? I would really be devastated...devastated? That sure is "strong language". Another good expression - "strong language" because it can have ever so many meanings). I know someone who's dad has a stamp (the rubber kind with a stamp pad) that says "FUCK YOU....strong letter to follow." I LOVE IT! When i was younger and we found this whilst rooting through her father's desk, i found it shocking. As we got older, we used to stamp it on paper and feel a little bit daring. Now i find it clever and worth a little titter - in that shoulder-lifting, hard, quick exhale kind of way... kind of a half-laugh. Do you know the kind i mean? Try it, following the description and think of something mildly amusing but not warranting an out-loud laugh, like a one panel cartoon that someone in your office might post on the bulletin board (probably that Far Side cartoon about Hell with the guy commenting on how thorough the people responsible for making Hell hellish are because even the coffee is cold - staffroom humour often involves coffee, which is weird because at my place of work, they don't even have a bloody coffeemaker!!!).Get it now?
Now comes the part about my weekend conversation:
While sitting at a table chatting over drinks with several friends last Saturday night, we had a conversation about the end of relationships - more specifically about when is the right time to "pull the plug", so to speak. A few stories were exchanged about bad sex (side bar: it was generally agreed that despite foolhardy statements like "Just like there's no such thing as bad pizza, there is no such thing as bad sex" - are stupid and untrue. Bad sex is out there folks and it can happen to you - yes, even YOU.), and then i explained about the demise of my last two long-term relationships - both ending explosively, which demonstrates that i should have bailed much earlier than i did, but towards the end of both, the SEX WAS TERRIBLE!!!!! I mean, the kind of staring-at-the-ceiling-thinking-about-the-grocery-list kind of terrible, with me stroking and cajoling the, ahem, finish (weak finish at that), all the while thinking (between thrusts) "when....is...this...going...to...be...OVER????". The conclusion to the conversation (or The Beginning of Bad, Boring, Dying a Slow and Painful Death Relationship Sex): Lack of Tongue. Yup, that's right. When the tongue stops teasing and slowly lingering, when the teeth stop nibbling and nipping lips, when two tongues stop that deep, gentle, sex-mimicking exploration of mouths with ragged breathes being breathed...you may as well look over your shoulder to catch the sexual Grim Reaper leering at you from the corner of your bedroom. You're done like dinner, baby. Time to move on.
Now I know there are those out there who will say that sex is not the most important thing in a relationship and there needs to be trust and respect and a willingness to take out the garbage, etc., but i'm not one of them. Keep it hot and steamy.